Split the Corner Podcast
2 ex bartenders have their favorite bar conversations. Your home for phone down bar discussions on movies, music, sports, history, hypotheticals and whatever else we feel like.
Split the Corner Podcast
Season 2, Episode 4: Can We Talk About Annoying Bar Habits?
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The bar is a place where everyone should feel welcome and free to have a good time. We here at Split the Corner encourage you to go out, have some fun, and make merry while you are able. However, if you are going to go out and partake, there are a few things that people have made bad habits out of that make the bartender's lives just that little bit much harder. Kaz and Kyle are taking a look into some of these things that will annoy a bartender to no end and make it significantly more difficult for you to get a drink at your favorite watering hole. Want to get your drinks faster and keep your bartenders happy? Give this episode a listen and stop doing the things the guys are talking about. Cheers!
What can we split the corner? What can we get to? What's going on, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of the Split the Corner podcast. My name is Kyle. Across the computer from me is my good buddy Kaz. And Kaz, the people are clamoring for it, bud. Can we get a quick update on fat guy soccer?
SPEAKER_02We do have an update on fat guy soccer. So the uh the red team played the white team what felt like uh four weeks in a row. Um, I don't know who does the scheduling. I'm assuming it's AI somehow. Um, but we uh we almost we almost took it to them in the in the last game. We tied them four to four. So that's that's the first time anyone's gotten to the white team. They they seem to be leading the way in in weight loss and in goals scored. So, you know, they're they're a tough team to beat. Uh, and then on a broader scale, uh my local league uh scrimmaged another local league from uh a couple towns over uh Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. Uh and we tied eight to eight. So, you know, not a whole lot of bad guy defense being played. It's the catch-up speed. None of us have it anymore. Oh, he got by me. You're not getting back.
SPEAKER_00He's going for goal. Get him. No.
SPEAKER_02It's it that's it's a lot of it's a lot of your brain yelling, you need to go get that ball, and your body yelling, you are nuts. Um but yeah, that's that's your update. Uh the the next thing on the horizon, uh, apart from potentially another scrimmage, is a regional tournament uh that is supposedly happening later this fall. There'll be there'll be more details on that to come.
SPEAKER_01Here we go, Maradonuts.
SPEAKER_02We're uh we're actually shopping around a uh a new name, if anybody has any comments or or suggestions. Um I don't know how you do better than Maritonuts. Oh, so it it it's not my idea. I'd love to take credit for this one, but are you familiar with the team Borosham Munchin Glodbach? Uh probably not as much as I should be, but um so the so the the play on that is bros munch and fatbacks. And I just uh it's it's there was so much work that went into it. That how do you not give credit where it's due? Like that's a that is a that is a hard, hard gimmick to pull off. That's a deep, deep cut. Right? So it's gonna go over more heads than it won't. I'm good with that. I don't I don't need anyone to get the joke. I uh yeah, I'm playing fat guy soccer. You know, obviously there's a tongue-in-cheekness about this that we really don't need the whole world to be in on this one. This is just funny for us. Uh that's fine.
SPEAKER_01Tongue in cheek, MM's in cheek, bacon in cheek. All due respect. Anyway, uh Kaz, today is National Coffee Day. How do you take your coffee, my friend?
SPEAKER_02Oh, barely coffee. Uh it is one of those guys. I am. I like a good flavored creamer, and I like more of it in there than makes sense. I it needs to be it yeah, light, light tan to the color, probably. Um, can't do a black, not too much.
SPEAKER_01With the color of a desk from when you were in elementary school.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, go yeah.
SPEAKER_01Or the wall behind you, actually, now that I'm looking at it. That wall's yellow. So, I'm a black coffee guy. I I didn't start drinking coffee until I was in my early 30s, uh, just because I didn't like it at all. And then I started doing sugar and creamer. And then my wife and I decided that we were going to try to lose some weight a couple of years ago, and we stopped doing sugar completely for like a month. And that meant I had to drink my coffee black. And it was a very difficult road. Oh, I was that guy that I'd be at Starbucks for like a work meeting or something, and I'd get a a black coffee and I'd sip it, I'd go, oh, yucky. And now I can't imagine drinking it with anything in it.
SPEAKER_02I was never big on like all the the sugars and sweeteners, but I do I do like a like a coffee mate flavored creamer from time to time. You know, I'm I'll I was a French vanilla guy. I like some French vanilla. I do. I like the uh I don't even do regular coffee at this point. I'm on the the mushroom decaf early morning blend of organic whatever. Um I'm I've been caffeine-free for a long time, and I can't do decaf coffee. I it just it defeats the purpose. It's like non-alcoholic alcohol.
SPEAKER_01Like I just decaf coffee is a lie, dude.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like I gave up when I gave up caffeine, I gave up coffee.
SPEAKER_01So why did you give up caffeine?
SPEAKER_02Because it affects my heart in ways that I'm not prepared to deal with daily.
SPEAKER_00Fair point.
SPEAKER_02So no soda, no coffee, no energy drinks, no, no caffeine. So like are you just tired all the time? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. All the time. I I could you you show me an opportunity in the schedule for a nap, and I can put one there.
SPEAKER_01Like so I'm thinking about I've gone on to Double Espresso Americanos, and I feel like for a long time caffeine and coffee, I thought like you drink it slower, I guess, so maybe it didn't affect me as much. But you put one of those bad boys down, dude, you're zooming for at least two hours. And if I can get my hands on one of those, like it's gonna be a sturdy morning for for me. But I mean, I do the energy drinks, I like it. Dude, I just caffeine, man. Like, I need it in me all the time.
SPEAKER_02I was the same way. I was the same way for years and years and years. I'd go straight from coffee to soda. You know, I'd I that was that was the go-to. You're working however many hours, grab a coffee on the way in, grab a coffee on the way out, have two coffees while you're there. You know, coffee goes great with a cigarette, coffee goes great with you know what I mean, like that morning drive to work feels better when there's a coffee in your hand. Like it it is, it it kind of punctuates the the world. You know, we're we're a coffee drinking society.
SPEAKER_01I wonder for all the coffee that there is and like that people are consuming, I mean, how is it that there's never been a coffee shortage? I mean, I gotta imagine that the the yields from a coffee bean tree. Is it a tree? Is it a I feel like this is something that I should just know and I don't have any idea.
SPEAKER_02I feel like it's a shrub. Like I don't I don't know why like a coffee plant. Yeah, well yeah, it's a berry. What so yeah, so coffee, yeah, they're shrubs. That's uh yeah, so small trees, sure.
SPEAKER_03All right.
SPEAKER_02Can I grow one?
SPEAKER_01I'm sure you could. Or do you think big coffee will come after me?
SPEAKER_02Well, I don't know, it might be a climate thing.
SPEAKER_01You might have to put it in a greenhouse living in the in the knock at my front door and it's Maxwell House himself, and he's there and he gets it. He's like, What are you doing with that coffee plant there, bud?
SPEAKER_00Sorry, Mr. House.
SPEAKER_01What's the yield like on one of those things? I mean, it's gotta be tremendous if there's never a coffee shortage.
SPEAKER_02You know, I I don't know. You're grinding it to a pulp nine times out of ten. Right. So it just it I guess the yield would be would be enough. I mean, it's it it's South America, Africa, Asia, like I think this is one of those things that like you you don't we don't understand the scope of it from from where we're at. You know, like bananas. Bananas are a massive enterprise. I read somewhere that every banana you've ever touched is the result of slavery somehow. That like the banana republics are a real big problem, and we just don't talk about it because we like bananas. So coffee might be the same kind of thing.
SPEAKER_01Kind of just sweeping it under the carpet so I can get through my morning.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, kinda we don't ask where the beans come from. You know, you don't ask how the sausage gets made, you just eat sausage.
SPEAKER_01Hmm. Well that took a very unfortunate turn just now.
SPEAKER_02Well Billy does not, right? Fair make sure you're make sure you're buying fair trade coffee, I guess. I guess that's the message from split corner on on coffee day. I is drink it black and make it fair trade.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but I mean coffee's expensive as it is, man. Fair trade coffee that's gotta be at least another nickel or two.
SPEAKER_02Well, how unfair is the trade if it's not fair trade.
SPEAKER_01Do you get into did you ever get into like macchiatos or lattes or any of those kinds of coffee things?
SPEAKER_02I did like a latte. I didn't see coffee and machine. I'm I was a big fan of coffee that didn't taste like coffee. So, you know, anytime you come out and tell me that it's a caramel chocolate, double whip, double top, double whatever, the the all of those words make it taste less like coffee. So I that's usually what I'm on board for. You got a pumpkin spice, apple, cinnamon, double vanilla, caramel cookie something or other, and I'm like, yay, fall. That's I'm I'm on board. You are a pumpkin, you're a basic bitch. Look at you. Yep. Pumpkins 100%.
SPEAKER_01Can't wait for Christmas. Dear God. Do you know the difference? That's okay. As a guy who spent my entire adult life behind a bar, like I know a whole lot of drinks, but I don't know any coffee drinks. Like, I don't know how to make them, obviously, but like I don't know what a macchiato is. I I don't think I know what a frappuccino is. I think a latte is just hot milk and coffee, right?
SPEAKER_02I've seen those posters where they have it all like, you know, if it's if it's half coffee, half foam, it's a this. If it's half coffee, half milk with this, then it's called a that. I I'm not I'm not a coffee aficionado like that. Um, I do think it's interesting how because there is a bit of a trend of like baristas that become bartenders, and and I do think it's interesting that some people break into this industry making fancy coffee drinks and then they end up making fancy cocktails and letting you know how fancy it is. Right. Just change colors of your apron. That that's all. And by the way, you own that apron. That's your apron. You brought that from home. You're just standing behind the bar trying to write people's names on cups. It's made out of glass, it's not gonna work.
SPEAKER_00Another light for Dave. Dave, your mother light. Got a watermelon cosmo for Steve. He's like, nah man, that wasn't me. Watermelon cosmo for Steve, shut up, man. It's for my girlfriend.
SPEAKER_01No, it's not, Steve.
SPEAKER_02That's not a horrible idea. Uh just to make people face up to the shit that they order behind the bar. Like just, you know, you're we're gonna order over here, and then you're gonna walk down to the other end of the bar, and we're gonna tell everybody what you got.
SPEAKER_01Cheryl, your buttery nipple is ready. Cheryl.
SPEAKER_00Like a Panera bread back in the day. God.
SPEAKER_01Uh that was my favorite part about working in Panera Bread was being the guy on the mic. Kaz your orders ready? Kaz. If I was feeling saucy, I'd have a good time with it. Do like big dramatic flourishes. Kaz! We've got your salad ready for you at the end of the laneway. Kaz.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think I'd take the mic from you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It was it was I I guess I could be annoying when I was doing that. The guests probably loved it. Most the older ladies were were on board.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah, I would assume so. I just feel like standing next to that hour after hour, shift after shift, I've just been like, enough, man, enough. You wouldn't have had time.
SPEAKER_01You were too busy making bacon turkey bravos.
SPEAKER_02Well, alright. So as a as a service industry person, and as a bartender, I guess, do you find your co-workers more annoying than your guests? No.
SPEAKER_01In general, no. In general, the guests are far more annoying. However, bartenders can be incredibly annoying as well, but I think it's more based on bad habits than it is on personality traits. Like if you and I are bartending next to each other, and you have made an absolute wreck of the bar in front of you, that's gonna drive me nuts. I don't I don't have time for that. Like it's disgusting, it's sticky, you've got half an orange like on top of your vodka. That's the kind of shit that gets me. You know, like if if or you're like like if you make an espresso martini and the bar top happens to be a little bit lighter, and that just you spilled a bunch of it and you just leave it sitting there, like get it together, bud. Figure it out. Use a bar rag, that's what they're there for.
SPEAKER_02Well, and there there is a bit of a dance between you know, between people that are working uh sharing a well or working side by side behind the bar. There is that little bit of I'm gonna reach for this, you're gonna reach for that, I need this bottle, you need that thing. You know, like how do we how do we move around each other in the space? But it I don't know. I've had some co-workers where I would just I'd just rather not.
SPEAKER_01Just well, okay. What what would you say in general? Like let's let's generalize. What are some annoying habits behind a bar, like a bartender could have?
SPEAKER_02I'm with you on the cleanliness. That's probably my number one. Like my number one is I can't go around behind you cleaning up your mess. I I have we've all generated behind the bar the this kind of repertoire of of puns and bar jokes that we throw uh at at everybody, you know, like my first guests on a Tuesday are gonna hear it, and then you know, if it gets uh it it's it's almost like a comedian doing bits, but we've worked out these repertoires of like you know, you order a shot and I have a witty comeback to it, and some of that stuff drives me up a wall. So you're not for nah, some of it feels so fake. I I understand that there's a degree of customer service to it, um, and that whatever makes it easier for people, but but there it there does seem to be a line where it's like, oh my god, enough already.
SPEAKER_01Do you have a specific example or or or or something you can share that would maybe shed a little bit more light on this?
SPEAKER_02So um kind of so I worked with a bartender um about three lifetimes ago, um, who left all of his bar supplies in a like leather Mary Poppins bag looking thing, like 1920s. Not not like because we all have our own like little bar kit where like you gotta go work an event and you want to make sure you got a shaker and a strainer and a and a bottle opener, and you know what I mean? You keep it in like a toiletry bag or whatever, and you just kind of toss it and bring it with you. But this was like a full-on nineteen twenties doctor bag that he brought with him to every shift, and if you asked for like a special cocktail, he would go get his bag and then like open it up on the bar in front of you while making this thing that was like an off-menu cocktail that no one else was ever gonna make, and he could only make it because he brought his personal ribbon cucumber peeler that made the I it was it was the most obnoxious. I I just couldn't deal with it. And he did it all the time. He would just he would just bust out the bag, and and all the bartenders behind the bar would be like, Oh, he went to get the bag. He's gonna get the bag, see what he makes this time.
SPEAKER_01In my head, he's like Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, just slammed the bag down on the bar and like rips it open. He's got all kinds of crazy stuff in there. That would have, yeah, that would annoy the crap out of me. I don't think I would like that at all.
SPEAKER_02And to a to a less specific extent, um custom recipes. I hate custom recipes. Make it the way that we all make it, please. Like, I I need that from a managerial perspective and a and a beverage director perspective, like the drink was made the way it was made for a reason. Follow the recipe on your menu cocktails. Please don't give everybody your secret recipe for how you make it differently than everybody else does. Because I need to know that if this bar guest comes back in three days and you're not here, they're gonna get the same drink. So no secret recipes. I hate secret recipes.
SPEAKER_01See, I don't I don't mind it as much. I think I get what you're saying, but I think it very heavily depends on the situation. Like if you're a if you're a party bar, right? And you know, this this dude makes a friggin' smoked salmon old-fashioned bitter, whatever, and you're at a party bar, it's a different story than like, oh, this person asked me for like a really high-end bourbon and they wanted me to make something special with it. As opposed to like, hey, I made a woo-woo shot with something different.
SPEAKER_02Oh no, if you're if you're working at the type of place where they're gonna come up and ask you to to be creative, that's fine. But if if the if the menu has a margarita on it and the margarita doesn't call for orange juice, and you put orange juice in your margarita, then no, you don't. Right. Yeah, because like that's the menu margarita. You can't you can't make a Kyle special margarita that Sharon can get on Friday, but can't get on Tuesday because Kyle's not working. You know, like that now if she wants to come up to you and say, Hey, can you make me this margarita and throw a little orange juice in it, then uh by all means. But it I we and we've worked with a couple of people who Who would just look at a menu cocktail and go, Yeah, I don't like this ingredient. I'm not gonna make it that way.
SPEAKER_01I bet you we're thinking of the same. I'm thinking of three people off the top of my head. But I bet you we're thinking of the same three.
SPEAKER_02I'm only thinking of two, so yeah, probably. We'll we'll take that off air.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we'll take that one uh at another time. Well, see, here let me be the let me be the devil's advocate here. So if I'm making special margaritas, the way that I make special margaritas on Fridays, am I not adding to my personal following? I want people to come and see me on Fridays. If they know that I'm the one who makes this margarita this way, you have to come and see me on Fridays. Because on Tuesdays, Darren isn't going to make you that margarita, but on Friday, Kyle will make you that margarita. So to me, it's building my personal brand and making sure that people come back to see me specifically, especially if they tip well.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but you can't compete with your own restaurant. If you're competing with your own restaurant, then what you're creating is inconsistency and people won't come back because they've been there twice and everything was different both times, and it was good the first time, but it wasn't as good the second time, or vice versa. And so so ideally, you should pull the bartender staff together and go, guys, I think the margarita would be better if we did it this way, and change the way the the place makes the margaritas so that you're you're bringing in the crowd instead of the place across the street seven days a week. So, and we do a lot of that nowadays. There's a lot of uh even if you see like bartender interviews, they'll ask you, you know, how many social media followers do you have? Yeah, they want you to bring your own crowd to the building, and I don't think that's fair. Like I think the fact that we are we are performance artists is a blessing and a bonus. It's not it we shouldn't be we shouldn't be tasked with selling tickets to our own show. Our job is to put the program in front of of you know in front of the guest in a way that that boosts the atmosphere.
SPEAKER_01If I don't have skin in the game, why should I be bringing people to you?
SPEAKER_02That is your skin in the game. Because I gave because I gave you the bar to bring people to.
SPEAKER_01Which is there's an understanding on that point of it, but I'm saying like my social media followers don't have anything to do with your bar.
SPEAKER_02Yes, they do, because they're they're coming to the bar.
SPEAKER_01But asking that in an interview, like, see, that doesn't make any sense to me. Like, if I'm asking if you're asking me for my amount of social media followers, maybe I'm not a big social media guy, but I'm a damn good bartender who's still going to bring people into your bar, but you don't hire me because I only have 150 social media followers. And I do that on purpose because I don't want my damn phone going ding, ding, ding all the time while your dumb social media posts about your freaking cat are blowing up my feed.
SPEAKER_02And I'm in the same boat. I I specifically took most of my industry stuff off of my social media just so that it it I don't I don't like technology as much as I thought I was going to. Um, and I I I don't want to see a bunch of work-related crap while I'm doom scrolling at two in the morning. Like I want to see puppies and and baby goats and you know people getting hit in the balls with stuff. I just want to laugh and not think. Like, so if I'm getting, you know, if I go home and open my phone up and Instagram is like, hey, here's 40,000 things that you didn't know about how the industry is, you know, having all these issues, I'm like, that that's my nine to five problem. I don't need I want to see how this kitten's gonna get out of the box. That's my midnight problem.
SPEAKER_01Probably push on the flaps eventually, would be my I guess.
SPEAKER_02Maybe he'll fall over in the process. That's the only thing I want to be worried about. Like, I don't I don't need work to follow me home like that. So so I I ditched it. I went in, I deleted a bunch of of industry related stuff. I I twerked my algorithm to to figure out whatever it was gonna do, and and it so yeah, if I walked into a bartender interview and they're like, Well, we looked at your Instagram and I'd be like, Yeah, did you see my Christmas tree? You know, like that's that's all you're getting, man. Maybe a picture of a sandwich I really liked. I don't there's not a whole lot in there.
SPEAKER_01That's what but that's what I'm saying. Like, so should that exclude you from from being a bartender at a specific spot?
SPEAKER_02Because your social media followers are not it shouldn't, but it's it shouldn't, but a lot of these places nowadays it does. And that's real problematic.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_02Because it's encouraging that behavior, it's saying that like you need to establish yourself as a as an influencer before we'll let you stand behind the bar, which is not what we're here for, especially guys like in our age group, you know, like social media really came into it to vogue when we were, you know, 18, 19, 20 years old.
SPEAKER_01And now that it's taken over everybody's lives, and I mean I know that there's a a strong percentage of people in our age group that are very social media savvy. I'm not one of them, and I don't intend to be one of them. Like, I got other things to do, but at the same time, you know, it seems like that that's the only course of action anymore because it is exactly what has taken over social media, and the term influencer makes me want to put my head through a wall, but like I'm not gonna ever be that.
SPEAKER_02No, and if I if I took over another restaurant tomorrow, I would hire a social media person. Like, I understand the importance of of that and doing that well and doing it right and creating an image and and having a personality and the value that that has on the current state of the business, but it ain't me. So, like if I work for your bar and your bar's got a crazy social media program, I'm happy to be a part of that. You can film me while I'm bartending, you can ask me about the cocktails, but I need to be prompted for all of that. And and if you are a fan of this podcast, you've seen me struggle with social media because even this podcast doesn't have a whole lot going in the social media page. I don't know what to put there. I just don't. I look at it like a blank slate and I'm like, maybe we'll make a picture, maybe we'll do a video.
SPEAKER_01I think it should be a lot of kittens trying to get out of boxes.
SPEAKER_02That's what I'm thinking. Like, like I'm thinking, fish where the fish are, right? Like, I if if it made me laugh, maybe I should share it with the guests.
SPEAKER_01There you go. Speaking of the guests, they are what make us our money behind the bar. But I think I think for every one annoying habit or thing that a bartender might do behind the bar, there's probably 10 guest-related annoyances or bad habits that I would put above most of what the bartenders do. I mean, there's just it's a crazy thing to me that people still act the way they act in places that serve alcohol. And not just that, but like the entitlement to treat other people the way that that bartenders get treated from time to time. It's in it's astounding.
SPEAKER_02Well, and that's that's the great unifier, right? If if you hate the bartender next to you, you hate them significantly less when you're both dealing with the same super annoying guest. Like all of a sudden you're in the trenches with that person and and it's time to go to war. And I know that it's not war, it's food and beverage, but it it that person's about to go through some shit with you, and at the end of the day, you know, it it's yes, you're going to be like, Man, I really wish you know they wouldn't leave the half-empty pineapple juice can out on the rail. But what you're really going to be talking about is, can you believe that group of 20 that decided to come in 10 minutes before closing and order, you know, the the espresso martini that we had to go make fresh coffee for because the machine was already clean? Like that that's a bonding thing. So, and that's I I bet we could go back and forth and just sort of quickly cross off some of these usual suspects before we get to any of the personal pet peeves. Because some of these are are are absolutely universal. That every bartender everywhere, if if you say, Oh, you're a bartender, and then you're like, Don't you hate it when this happens? They'll be like, Oh, you're also a bartender.
SPEAKER_01Let's do it. All right, you want to go first? Do you want to be? I'll go first. Sticking your fingers in the fruit tray.
SPEAKER_02God, keep your damn hands to yours. I will smack your hand. I swear to God, I will smack your hand. You do not get to snack on cherries because you don't want to order fries.
SPEAKER_01I'm I cannot personally guarantee that you washed your hands today, let alone after you just came out of the bathroom, and you're gonna snag an orange slice from my fruit tray. Get the fuck out of here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm smacking your hand, and if it comes back in here, I'm stabbing it with a garnish pick. There will be defenses. I'm not gonna kick you out, but you might bleed.
SPEAKER_01There's going to be escalation, because after that, we're getting we're getting into the cutlery.
SPEAKER_02I don't give a shit that you know the owner. Thank you. I don't care. You know who else knows the owner? Everyone that works in the restaurant. If you name drop the owner looking for special treatment, you're going to the back of the line.
SPEAKER_01If you name drop the owner looking to get money knocked off of your bill, I promise you that the owner is going to be like, hey, thanks for taking money out of my pocket. That's you're an shut up. I know him too. Stop trying to be cheap.
SPEAKER_02If you name drop the owner because you want me to change the television stations, I'm gonna make you call him. I'm I'm gonna make you call him in front of me, and then I'm going to take the phone from you. Like I the amount of stuff that people try and and and I know the owner their way through just drives me up a wall. If if you really knew the owner, you would respect their business, you would want them to succeed, you would not complain instead of complaining extra. Like this is it it comes back to the entitlement. It the entitlement is is amazing.
SPEAKER_01Don't bang your glass to get my attention. I don't have a problem. Okay, go ahead. I don't have a problem with it. I like if you put your hand up or wave, that's cool. I've seen you. If you hey or hey you or hey bartender or whatever, that's fine. Maybe it's loud and I haven't been down to your end of the bar in a minute. Like, that's fine. Now I know you're there. I really don't have a problem with that. It's the banging the glass on the bar, like tapping the glass on the bar. I will come over there and I will put that glass somewhere very uncomfortable if you do that one more time.
SPEAKER_02I can't stand it. I will very I I will very deliberately slide it away from you and then go back to what I was doing. That's I'm real big on back of the line. I'm like, you're getting skipped. Um I and I'm gonna uh tapping the glass. You said you're good with raising the hand. I'm good with raising the hand. Don't you dare snap your fingers. Don't you dare snap your fingers. I I don't know why, but that is just such a line in the sand. I'm good with a hey, I'm good with an excuse me. I'm good if you just start ordering. Like if there's no one talking and you see that I'm you know cleaning dishes or cutting limes, and you want to just hey, let me get to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Like we don't have to make a conversation out of it. I'm listening, I hear you. But don't you dare snap your fingers and don't touch me.
SPEAKER_01Don't touch me. Yeah, don't reach across the bar and tap on my shoulder. Don't like grab on my shirt, keep your hands to yourself. This is second grade shit. Keep your hands to yourself.
SPEAKER_02Hundred percent the bar is a bubble. Yes. Don't you don't get to I don't I don't even want to fist bump you if you said something funny or you said I said something funny. I it doesn't matter. We're this is a non-contact space. Oh, I will high five and fist bump all day long. Yes, but at my discretion. At my discretion. There you go. Yeah, no, I'm not I'm not coming over to your fist bump because I don't want to touch you. And that goes double for female bartenders. True. I don't you just don't. You don't. You don't hang out at the service bar and wait for them to come over with drinks and grab their wrist and try and put an order in. Like you just don't. It's a it's a no-touchy space.
SPEAKER_01Keep your hands to yourself. That's it. How about aimlessly and for absolutely no reason ripping up napkins and or coasters and just leaving them on the bar.
SPEAKER_02That that anxious fidget that people do that just it's a pile of paper pulp afterwards. Yeah, I'm not a fan, but I do feel like that's sometimes a subconscious thing.
SPEAKER_01I I I don't care. You're leaving listen, the way I look at it is if you come to my bar, you've come to my house. This is my house, this is where I live. Would you come over to my actual home and rip a bunch of stuff up and leave it on the coffee table? Probably not. Therefore, if I'm at my bar, which is also my house, don't do it at my house.
SPEAKER_02Are those people embarrassed by what they just did? Like when they get up to walk away, is it like, ooh, I don't know. You know, like do you do you ask to just do you sweep it up a little bit and take it with you and drop a handful of stuff in the trash? I understand that the real answer is how about you just don't? But but what if you you know what if you're on a what if you're on an awkward first date and you don't know what else to do with your hands and and you end up ripping up a napkin at the bar, then what? Do you do you look at the bartender and go, sorry? You might I'm sorry, do you mind? You know, like how do you if you acknowledge it?
SPEAKER_01If you look maybe that's the caveat, like you acknowledge to me that you've done this and you feel bad about it, or you did it like compulsively what's the word I'm looking for, or you did it compulsively, maybe maybe I can let you get away with it, and I'm like, it's cool, just maybe like keep your hands in your lap, I guess. But just leaving a a mess across the bar of of of paper and and thin cardboard from the coasters that is more than likely going to be a bit moist.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01It's it's and the labels you peeled off the beer bottles and the yep. Keep your hands, keep your hands to yourself and don't rip up napkins.
SPEAKER_02All right. What about the one million ways of trying to get more booze in your drink? It's exactly what I was about to bring up. The yes, yeah. What about the the double that you're not getting charged for? What about the phrase oh and hook it up? What about uh what about uh asking for less ice, thinking that you're gonna get more booze? What uh all of these things.
SPEAKER_01Let's just make a general PSA right now. For all those of you out there who are ordering drinks with less ice, thinking that you're going to consume more booze, you're not. You're still getting a standard pour. Sorry.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, your your shot is not measured based on how much ice is in the glass. And if anything, you're gonna get less with less ice in the glass because it's gonna look like more to the bartender. So if anything, they might panic and stop pouring short. But the muscle memory fills it up to where it fills it up to, guys. That's just how it is. And most of us are trained to about an ounce and a quarter, ounce and a half with our muscle memory. So that's what you're getting. And in defense of cocktail menus and cocktail recipes, that's what you're getting because that's what makes the drink taste good. Putting twice as much Jack Daniels in your Jack and Coke doesn't make it taste better. It it just you I like I don't understand.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but if you're ordering if you're ordering a double Jack and Coke, your day didn't go great. You're not you're not doing that for the taste, you're doing that because that's true, and that's probably a bad example. There's there's there's a there's a goal at the end of your third one of those, and it is to not be sober anymore. But to that point, the make it strong people, knock it off. I don't know you. I've known you for 12 seconds, and the very first thing you're going to do for me is tell me to hook up your drink. I don't know your name. I've never met any of your friends or your parents. I don't know your dog's name. We're not on a level where you coming in and be like, yo, make it stronger is going to make it happen at all. If anything, you're getting less because I don't like you immediately. You've you've put a bad taste in my mouth immediately. Our first interaction is you trying to get something for nothing. Kid rocks.
SPEAKER_02And all of my actual friends wouldn't ask for that.
SPEAKER_01No, they would not.
SPEAKER_02They're just gonna have a second drink. That's all. You know, if you want a double, get a double. Order a double. Don't expect to not pay for it. Yeah, you're you're not getting a hookup double. That's not a thing. I don't know you. But I think that's a good one though. Like, I think assuming that you and the bartender are friends is is like is another is another point of contention. Like, yes, we're civil, we're gonna have conversations, you can talk to me, we're you know, we're all here to have a good time. But assuming that we are bros is is a bridge too far.
SPEAKER_01And just because I'm wearing a name tag and you know my name, and you use it excessively to build some sort of intimacy or something, it's not working. I don't know you like that. But you're right, that's a really good point. I never really thought about it that way. Like, we're not we're not bros. We're we're barely acquaintances. If we've had some good interactions throughout the night and we're dapping up or whatever, and we're having fun, that's a different story, but we're still not friends. Are you gonna call me tomorrow to let me know you got home okay? Probably not. I'm not calling you.
SPEAKER_02So so with that the the name usage I is is I I like it to an extent because I I like I like it when I know that I'm being spoken to. You know, like there's a bunch of us behind the bar, you say, hey Matt, I'm gonna look. Um but thinking that because you know my name means that all of a sudden we're bros and you're next in line because oh, dude, don't worry, we'll just we'll get Kaz to hook it up. Hey, hey, come down here. Hey, like no, you don't you still have to get in line, play the rule. It like it doesn't it doesn't change because you know my name.
SPEAKER_01And if you do know my name use it once per interaction. Like not not too long ago, uh a a woman at an event I was working heard my name and then she used it in every like seventh or eighth word per sentence, talking to other people, talking to me. I mean, I don't know if it was a nervous tick or it was a drunk tick or something, but she'd be like, Kyle said this about this thing, and Kyle did this, and then Kyle, and then Kyle, Kyle, remember when I said that? Kyle, Kyle, can you come over here and tell this person his name's also Kyle? So, Kyle, can you tell Kyle that Kyle said this? And it drove me insane. I'm still getting text messages about it from the people I was working with, where it'll just be a text message and it'll be my name 28 to 50 times.
SPEAKER_02That's exactly what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I think universally speaking, we can also cross off the list uh not knowing what you want when you get up to the bar and it's busy. Like if it's like five, six deep and you've been waiting for your you know your turn to order, and now it is your turn to order, and you still don't know what you want.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, if you stutter, you're skipped. Like um, I'm gonna build them right now. I'm also not a huge fan of ordering everything separately. Get your group together and figure it out. It's not we'll have one cosmo and a Miller light and another Cosmo and and make that two more Miller lights. No, get your shit together. Yeah, I I I can handle as big of an order as you can spit at me, but we're not doing this one at a time.
SPEAKER_01Or when you go and you get them, like they order, maybe they order properly. Hey, let me get four Coors Lights and a Dirty Martini. And you go and you get them, and like, oh yeah, we're also gonna need like I've already moved on. I've done your order, I'm already ready to move on, but now I gotta stick with you because and you're slowing me down. That's basically what it is. I could have gotten you those Heineken's and your Cosmos, I could have been shaking three cocktails at once. And now I have to go back and start all over again.
SPEAKER_02Well, and whatever you ordered, you're committed to. Yeah. Your Manhattan cannot become an old fashioned when I'm halfway through making it because you changed your mind. Right. You know, you can't, oh well, actually, now that I'm thinking about it, can you make that Cosmo a margarita? No, I'm not a wizard. This is not potions class. Like, I can I I I can make what you asked for. I can't change it mid-drink. Like, that's that's not how this works. So, whatever you asked for, that's what you got. You want something else, then you know what to get next round.
SPEAKER_01Jesus turned water into wine, but Kyle cannot turn a paper plane into a penicillin.
SPEAKER_02Jesus turned water into wine, but he does not work here. God. Alright, how do you feel about how do you feel about uh let's do a round of shots and throw one in there for yourself?
SPEAKER_01Formerly a big fan. Currently not so much. Yeah, it just hit me. Yeah. Back in the day where it was very highly discouraged, but happened constantly. Yeah, I took full advantage. But I also was able to walk home from most of those places. You know, and now I live in the suburbs and I can't walk to places. So my alcohol consumption when I'm behind knowing that I have to get behind the wheel of a car is greatly monitored, like very specifically monitored. I don't do shots if I'm driving anymore. But I'm also now at work and I'm not at a party bar. Like this is not late night tip stuff. This is just like let's get in and let's get out. But uh oh wait, hold on. Did you mean in lieu of a tip? Yeah, in lieu of a tip. Oh no, forget you, dude. Nah.
SPEAKER_02Just throw one on there for yourself. Yeah, you you know those guys. Yeah, I don't like those guys. Do a round of Soco and limes and and and one for you. Yeah, come on, man, do shot with us. And the amount of times I've put half ginger ale and half Coca-Cola into a shot glass and been like, yeah. Like, I alright, I do understand the importance of a bartender making their money by at least keeping up the appearance that they are partying with you, right? If sure, if if I say, if you say, hey, we're here for so-and-so's birthday and we want a round of shots and you gotta do one with us. I know if I say no, guys, I'm not drinking tonight, that you guys are gonna go, oh, this place is lame. Let's go somewhere else where they want to party. Like, I understand that. So I am going to do a shot of iced tea. Who the fuck cares? Um, but you're gonna think I am hammered, and this was a great time, and we are having a blast, and I did another one. We're gonna do another one, I'll do another one, sure. You will never understand why you guys are six shots deep, and I've been standing right with you the whole time, and I'm still working, and you can't even stand up. Because you know, don't believe the strippers like you. Let's put it that way. I I know what I gotta do to to make sure that that we keep this party rolling. Um, that being said, uh the I think the elephant in the room that we have to cover is that Split the Corner podcast does not recommend bartenders drinking on their shifts. Um but you know, depending on where you work, these things happen.
SPEAKER_01Uh used to happen a lot, but yeah, man. I look, dude, I look back at some of those. I mean, you were there. I look back on some of those shifts and go, wow, like that was excessive. But we got through it, man. Um you mentioned birthdays. How do you stand on the it's my birthday people? I don't hate them, they're usually real easy to deal with. Yeah, but like the expectation of getting something for free. It's my birthday. Like, if you say it's my birthday or somebody tells me it's your birthday, like, chances are I'm gonna cover a drink for you. But if you come up to me and say, It's my birthday, like what can I get for free because it's my birthday? Like, first of all, it's not a major accomplishment on your part. Your parents had sex and you fell out of your mother. You didn't do anything. I shouldn't have to reward your parents boning by giving you something free.
SPEAKER_02If anything, we should be rewarding the parents. Absolutely. If anything, your parents should be able to be like, oh, it's my daughter's birthday today, you know what I mean? And be like, yeah, happy anniversary. That's a high five.
SPEAKER_01I know you're not a virgin. No, and and I'm don't come up expecting something for free. If you want to tell me it's your birthday and like you're cool, like, yeah, I'll I'll cover around or whatever. But if you come up and you're like, it's my birthday, what can I get for free? Because it's my birthday, I'm gonna ask for your parents' phone number and be like, way to go, guys.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna make you a stupid shot. That's what you're you're getting, you're getting well Citron and Frangelico because it tastes like chocolate cake. That's that's what you're getting.
SPEAKER_01Nope. See, you're you're a nicer guy than I am.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's a how the hell else are we getting rid of the frangelico bottle? Nobody's ordering coffee. Here's a birthday Harvey Wallbanger for you. Just trying to get through this Galliano.
SPEAKER_00I don't here's a birthday of Lafroy 10.
SPEAKER_01No one's drinking penicillins.
SPEAKER_02We left this Bailey's out overnight. We're not really sure. Can you tell me if this turned? Uh now makes me want to bartend on somebody's birthday. I feel like I just had all sorts of ideas for nonsense. Did you did you ever go down the rabbit hole of learning all those all those shots? All the the laundry list of 21st birthday, like the grossest shots you'll ever do in your life, and how they end up being random collections of disgusting ingredients.
SPEAKER_01Um, I knew a lot of shots back in the day when people were doing them. Like I just had this conversation the other day, funny enough. Uh there was one it was called Sex on a Pool Table with an alligator. I think it had like Jaeger and like melon liqueur and something else. But like I knew a couple of those. Um, or like the uh remember the brain hemorrhage?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I'm still a big fan of that one.
SPEAKER_01Carous blue carousel, baileys, and like some grenadine. Peach snaps and grenadine, yeah. There you go.
SPEAKER_02Um, then the the grenadine pulls the baileys down into the peach snaps, and it looks like a brain, and it's uh yeah, I that one's fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's a cool shot to look at.
SPEAKER_02Pain in the ass to make, and I'm not doing it while you're busy. No, but but like that was a thing.
SPEAKER_01But when I first started in like, you know, the early 2000s, like those things were were huge, and I've realized over the last few years that they're not nearly what they were.
SPEAKER_02I mean the only thing people are drinking now is like tequila sodas and like the cocktails have gotten harder to make, and because of that, the shots have kind of gone away. Yeah, right? Because it used to be you'd get a a shot that was crazy complicated, five or six ingredients, but then you were you were drinking of a Jameson and ginger or a Jack and Coke, or uh, you know, it was it was let me get three Jack and Cokes and and three you know I I don't know, three Alabama slammer shots or whatever it was, and you'd make these you know green tea shots or you'd make this this collection of stuff that you could spread out across a bunch of shot glasses. Now it's like everything is is a a paper plane or a last word or a vesper or uh so now the cocktails are all eight or nine ingredients, and and we're doing straight shots, if anything. Yeah, that's really interesting. I'd never thought about that until we just put it out there.
SPEAKER_01No, it's it's true, man. Um, the most complicated things you're looking at now are Manhattan's and margaritas, and nobody wants those crazy shots, like Girl Scout cookies and and and uh what was uh uh mind erasers. Remember mind erasers? Oh, with the with the straw, yeah, dude. Vodka Clue and Club Soda suck it all down in one fell swoop through a straw. And people said it got you drunker faster, and I've never seen any science to disprove that.
SPEAKER_02I just feel like that that culture was was fun. It was shot skis and and blowjob shots where the you weren't allowed to use your hands, and and then and then buying people the nasty ones that they had to that they had to force down because you bought it for them. The the what was the cement mixer with the Baileys and the lime juice that curdled in your mouth, and the sweaty Mexican with the tequila and the Tabasco and the mayonnaise that clumped when you Yep.
SPEAKER_01Oh God, uh the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Yep. Jack, Jim, uh what was it? Jack, Jim, Johnny, and Jose. Yeah, those were those dude. I used to have a to a bar I used to work at, he would come into these big Sunday parties that we used to have. They were called Dayload back in the day. You were many of them working right alongside me. But I had this one guy come in for like three months in a row and he would order a four horseman on the rocks. And back in the day, people knew what the four horsemen was. You know, it was something that you took on your 21st. It was kind of a rite of passage. I don't know if it still is, but um, I mean, I took one on my 21st. A lot of people that I went out for their 21st, they all took it. But this guy said it like it was like it made him cool. You know, he'd make sure that there were enough people around him, like, let me get a four horseman on the rocks, and then he'd look around to see like people go, Oh wow, aren't you cool? No one cared. That's the other thing. No one cares about what you're ordering. You're not impressing anyone by ordering ordering a Cuba Libre or a Cape Cod or a Greyhound, no, and Vesper. No one cares. No one cares.
SPEAKER_02You want to walk up to the bar and order an apple martini?
SPEAKER_01No one cares. You might catch a little ribbing from someone, but that's to be expected. Who cares? Yeah, it's gonna go away.
SPEAKER_02And when they go up to buy the next round, they're gonna be like, you want another apple teeny? You know, like it no one cares what you drink. They really don't.
SPEAKER_01Nope, not at all. Not at all. Do you have any that you would say are like not as universal, like something that you specifically cannot stand that a customer does?
SPEAKER_02Um and and we've talked about this before. I don't know if this is specific to me or but I I hate the uh the what do you recommend? I I I hate the make me something fun. I I I'm not uh that's that's my biggest pet peeve is it that's not what we're here for. This is not a dance monkey dance moment. This is a what do you want and I'll make it for you.
SPEAKER_01I think that's dependent on the the bar, like the situation. If we're busy and it's a party bar, I don't want you to come and tell me to make you something or what do I recommend. But if we're at like a nice sit-down place and we're making cocktails that are supposed to be cocktails, hey, what do you recommend? Then I I'm a little bit easier on that, but but I think in general I agree with you.
SPEAKER_02You've still got to bring me more to the table. Like you're getting you're getting a bunch of questions after what do I recommend?
SPEAKER_01There's a finite number of liquor of liquor out there in terms of there's vodka gin, tequila, scotch, whiskey, bourbon, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. If we go if that you know that might be enough. I really like tequila. What do you recommend? Oh, okay, cool. Now we can go through it. Yeah. As opposed to now, I don't want to have to go through everything and be like, Do you like vodka? No. Do you like scotch? No. After that, I'm done. Yep. I've given you two, and you're still like you still haven't told me anything. No, that's I think that's a good one. Um, one for me is the I used to bartend. I find those people to be obnoxious more than not. If you say, Oh, I used to bartend and that's a pain in the ass, you know what? You did use to bartend, cool, I got you. But if you're like, I used to bartend and this is how I did it, I don't care. I don't care. I love talking to other bartenders. And if you're at a place that I'm working and you announce yourself as a bartender, it had better be on some bartender shit and not on some customer shit. Like you wanna you want to talk about the this conversation? Do you want to have this conversation that you and I are having right now? I am here for it. But I don't care what you did at TGI Fridays or Applebee's.
SPEAKER_02No, and don't tell me that I made it wrong because I didn't make it the way you make it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh, that yes. Yep. Because even if you are a hundred percent by the book on how you make your thing, you don't have any idea what our bar program does. Right. Yeah, and and that whole point is it like yes, there is a universal definition for what an old fashioned is, but it's broader than you think. And so, no, you don't get to turn around and look at people and go, oh, well, they make it wrong. No, they make it the way they make it. Yep. That that's a deliberate decision.
SPEAKER_01Unless you're muddling fruit in your old fashioned, then you're making it wrong. Yeah, then you've made something else and you've done it wrong. Yeah. Yeah. For all our bartender listeners out there, we hope that you've been able to kind of suffer through this with us. I mean, this is there's a lot of uh PTSD involved in a conversation like this. Because I'm thinking about one woman in particular who used to bang her wine glass on the bar, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about how much I despised that person for the amount of years that I worked in that one particular establishment. But if we missed anything, we'd love to hear it. I mean, I know that there's probably a lot more out there that we didn't cover. So if you're a bartender or just a bar guest, what are some annoying things that people do around you? We'd love to know about it and bring this back up again sometime.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, we will never not have restaurant opinions and pet peeves. We we are down to we're down to go down this rabbit hole as often as as possible because it's there. And it was a large part of both of our lives for long enough that the the stories the stories just don't seem to stop. If you'd like to be a part of the conversation, hit us up at at our underperforming social media uh at Split the Corner Podcast at Instagram, Twitter, and whatever the hell else. If it's not there, reach out and yell at us for it and we'll get on our horses and fix it.
SPEAKER_01I love that I stuttered my way through that and you swooped in to save the day. Way to go, language boy. We are split the corner podcast at gmail.com if you'd like to email us. Thanks for tuning in, and as always, the next round is on us. Cheers, guys.